To Be Shinichi
by ChibiRaccoon
Summary: Short Oneshot. Manga spoilers! In the manga Ran once told Conan she wish he were Shinichi. What was his reaction? Please read and review, but be nice! No flames! RanxShinichisorta...


_**To Be Shinichi**_

_**By: ChibiRaccoon**_

"I wish...you were Shinichi..."

Simple words. Words with so much longing, love, and hopeful conviction. It was words like that which struck him to the core, causing guilt and sorrow to rise up to his throat and send him into a wave of self-inflicted misery. Because what she wished for was true. Her wish had come true before she had ever even thought of it. She just had no idea though.

He was watching her, days later, through black-rimmed glasses behind a comic book. She was cleaning her father's desk in the office and would be getting ready to prepare soon. He enjoyed watching her tidy up before she cooked because she would wear a powder-blue apron. It always seemed to bring a red tint to his cheeks and a few thoughts of the future to his mind.

_'She's so strong.' _he mused silently, gazing at her scowling face as she swept a pile of beer cans from on top of the phone. Although there were some instances where her strength would crack, the other day being a perfect example, she was still able to hold herself up and never venture herself onto the grounds of depression. It surprised him in a way, though, when he thought of it, he knew it was something he should expect from her. It was just one of the many qualities of her that were the reason he...

He sighed. He was going to start dwelling on it again.

His feeling's for her were real, of an intense quality. But to him, her safety came before his own happiness and well-being. If he told her the truth, she would be targeted. She would want to do whatever she could to help and he couldn't allow that. Should something ever happen to her, if someone... He couldn't even stomach the thought.

"Conan-kun?"

A sweet voice of sisterly concern circled him, pulling him out of his reverie and into the pleasent prescence of Kudo Shinichi's childhood friend. He looked up at her, immediately bringing up his child's mask. She was looking at him from near the door.

"Ran-neechan? What is it?"

She smiled. God it was beautiful.

"I was going to ask you what you wanted for dinner!"

"Ah..." There was a slight tinge of dissapointment in his voice that she thankfully didn't catch. Honestly, what had he thought she'd say? "Um...anything's fine Ran-neechan."

Nodding, she turned to leave. Words left him that he never would have allowed to escape had he been thinking clearly.

"I wish I were Shinichi too."

He hoped she wouldn't hear. It had been said in such a hushed silent voice that he had barely heard himself say it. But the instant she froze, his hopes had scattered and he knew. She had most definetly heard him. Eye's of azure blue turned to look at him in confusion and surprise.

"Conan...kun?"

Fidgeting under her gaze, he mentally called himself ten kinds of stupid. Sometimes he felt as if he should just stick a neon sign on his head that read, 'BINGO! KUDO SHINICHI HERE!'; with all the slip-ups he had it was a wonder no one else honestly suspected his true identity.

What was he to tell her? The truth? No...He couldn't risk that. Nothing could measure up to her life. So what to say? Only the truth. The truth that was represented in the eye's of Conan, Ran's adoptive little brother.

"I only meant...well, you're always so sad that he's not here and well, I figured that if I were Shinichi, you could finally be happy. You'd finally smile truthfully for once. It-" He looked up, locking his gaze onto her with such serious grace it left her breathless. "It would be worth it, if it would finally let you smile." he told her truthfully.

Something crossed her features. Something important, something valuable, but before he could figure it out, he was swept into a hug that he found himself automatically returning.

"Don't."

Shinichi was puzzled. What was she...?

"Don't." she repeated, voice tearful. She really was moved to tears easily. He liked that in a way.

"Don't Conan. Don't wish to be someone else. Because as long as you're here, I'll never be alone."

Conan nodded, but Shinichi could only flinch inwardly.

After a moment, Ran let him go to look at him, a forced smile already in place.

"Besides, that baka meitantei is seriously going to get it when he gets back from that case! You can even help me Conan!"

Dumbstruck, Conan could only reply with a, "Okay Ran-neechan."

Smiling, Ran stood, readjusted her apron and headed back to the door.

"I'm going to start dinner now ok?"

Conan nodded.

She gave him another smile before closing the door as she stepped out.

Conan stood there, silent. He felt horribly guilty once again. He had made her cry. It seemed as if that was all he had been doing lately. She was strong. Stronger than so many others, but she hurt just as bad, and it always hurt him to see her suffering the way she did as she yearned for Shinichi's return.

He slumped to the floor, eyes dark.

He had to return to his old self. It was no longer about him or what he wanted. From now on, it was all for her. To bring that true radiant smile of Mouri Ran back to the world. To banish her tears from her eyes forever.

Removing his glasses, Shinichi looked out the windows and into the night sky, expressionless yet determined.

"I'm sorry Ran. I really do wish I were Shinichi right now. Then I could see the real you smiling, and not the mask you've been hiding behind."

owari

BOREDOM!!! NEEDED TO WRITE!! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! BE NICE! NO FLAMES!! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!


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